Their money's no good here."
by RamenKitty
Summary: uh...two rather familar people from the new SW universe get drunk at a bar...please R


Okay: My first try at writing a star wars fanfic. I usually do anime and LotR.  
  
Obviously, this fic will be humorous, considering that humor is what binds the force together...  
  
Okay, All Star wars characters are copyrighted the great one with lots of money...George Lucas. Oh, and the fuzzy monkeys and Boto are copyrighted me...whilst everything else that seems familiar to any person, is copyright whoever owns that thing.  
  
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Courscant.  
  
The seediest city in the galaxy  
  
Los Angeles  
  
The most disgusting hive of scum and villainy...  
  
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Two Jedi are bad.  
  
Two Jedi that are very drunk are worse.  
  
" You know," Jedi number one-who-happened-to-be-a-healer said, " I almost feel sorry for the fans." He inhaled deeply of his drink, and proceeded to make several objects float off the table.  
  
" What fans?" the second Jedi slurped up his drink and threatened the bartender with his lightsaber if he didn't get another.  
  
As most people would do when a lightsaber is produced, the Jedi's thirst was quickly rewarded.  
  
" The fans-of, the whole movie thingy..." Jedi one's voice trailed off as the hand he was waving around in a gesture suddenly caused two bar patrons to be lifted from their seats.  
  
" Oh!" Jedi number two stuck his hand into some choco-covered pretzels and grinned, "yeah, the one with Amidala. And Skywalker...dude."  
  
" Wha?  
  
The second Jedi grinned," That was a great movie...but you know what was even better?" he promptly stuffed some pretzels in his mouth and grinned through a mouth full of chocolate stains, " Episode two...with all the loooooove action..."  
  
" What love action?" Jedi one, who was slightly less drunk then Jedi two, turned to him, " you mean all those kissy scenes with skywalker? Come on- that wasn't love action! That was barely palatable romance man." He paused," And besides," he said, sitting down his thick ale, " you haven't even SEEN the friggin movie yet, you've just seen all those movie posters."  
  
" Yeah."  
  
Several Chattering fans suddenly charged in, Chewie masks and T-shirts in abundance, along with a steady chattering stream. Jedi one covered his ears, the drink already beginning to take a toll...  
  
" AGH! Best think Skywalker'll do, killing off JarJar!"  
  
" Are you kidding? Did you see the emperor? I could totally tell that it was like-Gates in the year 3010-"  
  
" Please, that entire- " Will you be my angel?" I was like, " Yeah will you be the father of my children?"  
  
" Oh come on, you know all the good action is like, gonna happen in episode two-"  
  
" Yes!" one fan girl who Jedi number two noticed, had a particularly large rack, " But that doesn't come out until 2002!"  
  
Jedi number one stifled a grin, and Jedi number two stood up.  
  
" Hey." He said, using his best accent, " Who wants to see a real lightsaber?"  
  
There was a silence.  
  
" Jerk." A nearby Fan boy said, he removed his darth Vader mask, " Who the heck does he think he is?"  
  
The conversation became milled.  
  
" Dunno,"  
  
" Probably a local weirdo-"  
  
" What's LA coming to I'd like to know-"  
  
And by that time the entire group shuffled out of the bar.  
  
Jedi number one grinned at his friend, just as his Cell rang, he answered, and promptly proceeded to be thrown back from the earpiece by a loud torrent of screaming.  
  
Jedi number two turned his head away from the two women who had just walked in, " Who was that Master Qui-Gon?"  
  
Qui-Gon Jinn grimaced and clicked it shut, " Anakin again, wanted to tell us that the new scripts have arrived...or more importantly wanted to tell you-"  
  
Obi-wan sighed," Master, you're going to have to face facts, we're fictional characters, we do as we're told, and..."  
  
He trailed off as Qui-Gon Jinn stood up. He slipped back on his Jedi cloak as he checked his Digital watch.  
  
" I know, I get it. If I'm only in one movie, I should count myself lucky." He frowned, " But Luke was in THREE movies and his acting is WAY worse then mine!"  
  
Obi-wan sighed and held the door open for his friend, " Just be glad you aren't Anakin Master...I personally wouldn't want to have to do scenes around boiling pits of lava." The return shuttle, filled with various aliens, who, for the sake of seeing the prequel had pretended to be fans, reading magazines and chatting amongst themselves.  
  
" Alas." Qui-Gon murmured, " Such is the price of being considered fictional." The ship accelerated and blasted from the earth's atmosphere...  
  
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Boto watched them go.  
  
A native of a planet with a name that earthlings would never pronounce, he missed the last shuttle because of an Argument between Darth Vader and a fan.  
  
He had already decided to put his affairs in order, and leave on the next one. He only had to wait a couple of years. He began to wipe the counter; he picked up the tip that Qui-Gon had left lying on the smooth oak.  
  
He frowned, picked it up, and hook shot it into a nearby garbage can with a big picture of a large fuzzy monkey on it.  
  
He hated monkeys.  
  
And most of all he hated Jedi.  
  
Not for the fact that the had the tendency to get really pissed off, he didn't even hate all of them, his cousin was a Padawan that would get to be in the next movie, mainly, he hated ones who came and drank at his bar.  
  
He picked up the Republic Credit from the trashcan.  
  
" I gotta remember next time..." his voice trailed off as he picked up a crisp hundred from near another customer who left a tip, " Their money's no good here."  
  
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Meant to be a one shot.  
  
Please R&R 


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